When nature calls, people listen.

I had a business trip for the past couple days. The business part of it was okay, but was really eye-opening was getting to learn something about myself. And that is: I am a bit of a jerk.

You see, I was in the office of one of our vendors for training on their systems. So we’re locked up in the conference room all day, and my bladder after morning coffee has a 1 hour limit for at least 3 hours, no exceptions. So I’m doing the pee-pee dance in my chair at 9:20 and I finally tell them I have to go or there’s going to be trouble. They point me in the right direction and I head off. As I turn the corner nearing the bathroom, I see out of the corner of my eye, a guy coming the other way. Now, I know he could be going elsewhere, but I’m not taking any chances. I keep my head down and push on toward the bathroom, intending to body-check this guy if I have to, no matter how bad he needs to go. So, I make it to the door first, bustle in, lock up, and do my duty.

Fast-forward to 10:30. I have to go again. Not as bad, but we’re at a good stopping place and I excuse myself. I turn the same corner, I see this guy again, keep my head down again, and bull my way in. Again, not caring about his need. So I take care of business, and get back to it.

Lunch break. Now I really don’t have to go all that much, but I’m not sure how long the car ride to lunch is going to take and I want to be safe. I turn the corner, and THIS DUDE IS THERE AGAIN, walking toward me like déjà vu. Now, I’m annoyed that this guy is on the same bladder schedule as me, and I’m embarrassed because he’s seen me charge in before him twice already today, and it’s just barely after noon. So I push ahead again and get in to do my thing.

While I’m in there, I ponder that I’ve been such a jerk repeatedly and I decide I should apologize to the guy if I see him outside or at least make light of the situation so he knows I’m not a total creep. So I wash, kill the light, step out, and look around. This time, eyes are up, and I’m looking ahead for the first time…and even though I just went potty, I nearly wet myself as I drop like 30 self esteem points because I realize that the office is about half as long as I thought it was, and the guy I’ve been beating to the bathroom all these times –

is my reflection in a full-wall mirror.

Ass.