Blowin' up the place

Did I ever mention we're not allowed to make microwave popcorn? Someone a year ago accidentally burned some popcorn which is a terrible smell if you've never witnessed it -- like the smell of Starbucks on a 101-degree day. Bill happened to walk by the caf and notice it, pitched a bigger fit than you could get out of a 50-foot-tall 3-year-old, and banned all popcorn makinkg from that day forward, amen.

So I'm trying to watch my diet, and what's the one snack I allow myself anytime in any quantity? Popcorn. So now I have to pop my beloved corn in the morning at home, bag it, put it in my briefcase, and sneak it in like contraband in a prison. As if being on a diet and eating 98%-Fat-Free popcorn wasn't immasculating enough...

So anyway, that's why I've decided that when I'm ready to be fired, I'm going to be eating breakfast at work. And it's going to be baked cod. And it's going to be well-done. And it's going to be every day. Because if you've ever had microwaved fish, you know that can stink a building up for hours.