You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave

So we got a memo two Wednesdays ago. When I read it, I was so pissed that I steamed about it all the way through my hour-long commute, and I very rarely bring work issues home with me. Karen brought it to our attention. It had been delivered to our mailboxes sometime after 4:00 PM, seemingly intended to be snuck in under our noses.

What was it? An addendum to the vacation policy and a note to sign and return acknowledging that we have received the addendum. It's not fair to ask you to judge the policy revision without knowing the existing policy. Basically, the policy that I agreed to work under gives you almost nothing for your first 90 probationary days. After that, you begin accruing time until you come to the end of the calendar year. At that point, it works out like this: you have to accrue the time, but it works out to 10 vacation days, 5 sick days, and 3 personal days. 18 total days, if you're one of those people who takes their sick days as vacation. Personally, I'm not normally, but it's nice to know I have them if I need them and that I can take them without cutting into my actual vacation. This is how the time off works for your first five years, then you get 15 vacation days. Then, who knows? There's only like 8 people in the building that have more than 5 years, and 5 of those are the president and VPs.

The new proposal went something like this. It seemed unnecessary to management to separate the time off into categories. So they propose that we have "all-purpose" days now, and that we have 12 of them. "All-purpose" days? That sounds cool. Sounds like we can use them more flexibly than vaca...wait a minute. Twelve? We had eighteen, and now we have TWELVE? And nobody mentioned this to us, nobody said anything about the company needing extra help, nobody cuonsulted us on any of this. We're not in trouble; we're not being punished -- what the hell is going on?

I refused to sign the paper, as most of us did, and I made it clear that I intended to talk to one of the John in the morning and ask him what the hell the deal was. So Thursday, Rochelle and I cornered him in Rochelle's office and asked what was going on. John said he didn't think it applied to us, and we informed him that, from the communication we were given, there was no reason not to think it appled to all of us. He said he'd check into it and let us know. Friday morning there were whispers that it was to apply only to peole who were not past their probationary period as of 1/1/06. This meant that only E and Rob, the new IT guy, were going to be affected in our little area, but that was still unfair since they were hired under the old terms. Not that it mattered what was whispered anyway, because it was not documented anywhere, and I was assuming that the upper management was going to operate under the new terms unless I held some kind of signed paper. I tossed the memo in the trash and decided I would not sign it until they revised it.

Nothing else was said until Friday morning when we received an e-mail that said we had to turn in the signed paper that acknowledged receipt of the memo by the end of the day. It also said what had been whispered before, so that most of us would be okay but E and Rob were still screwed. It said that if we failed to turn in a signed copy by the end of the day, we would not be granted any vacation in 2006. I had to jump out for my second interview that afternoon, so I wrote in my objections, signed the paper (a new copy I had to get from Carly since I had ditched mine), and turned it in.

Rochelle had asked for a formally revised version to sign and got this in return. This is a straight copy-and-paste. Only the names and the portions in brackets have been changed, the over-capitalization and less-than-perfect grammar are all Matt's:

From: Matt Walker
Sent: Friday, January 13, 2006 2:43 PM
To: Rochelle Fitsimmons
Cc: Bill Tyler; Rod Tyler; John Farson; Carly Wymer; Franz Richards
Subject: RE: Accrued time off Policy

DEAR ROCHELLE,

[The company] HAS THE LEGAL RIGHT TO CHANGE IT'S TIME OFF SCHEDULE ANYTIME SENIOR MANAGEMENT FEELS IT IS NECESSARY TO ACHIEVING THE COMPANY'S GOALS AND OBJECTIVES. THE FACT THAT YOU AND OTHERS ARE BEING AFFORDED THE ABILITY TO REMAIN ON YOUR EXISTING TIME OFF LEVEL IS STRICTLY A COURTESY. IT IS NEITHER A POLICY NOR OBLIGATION OF [the company], NOR WILL IT BE WRITTEN INTO THE HANDBOOK.

THE FACT THAT CARLY IS ASKING YOU TO SIGN OFF THAT YOU ACKNOWLEDGE RECEIPT OF THE NEW POLICY ON BEHALF OF THE COMPANY IS SOLELY THAT, ONLY THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED THE NEW COMPANY POLICY. IT IS NOT FOR YOU AND OTHER EMPLOYEE TO APPROVE OR DISAPPROVE OF COMPANY POLICY.

THERE ARE 3 LEVELS TO THE TIME OFF SCHEDULE AFTER AN EMPLOYEE HAS MADE IT THROUGH THEIR PROBATIONARY PERIOD. LEVEL I "1,2 YEARS" LEVEL II "3,4,5,6 YEARS" LEVEL III "7 YEARS AND ABOVE"

IF I CAN BE OF FURTHER ASSISTANCE, PLEASE DON'T HESITATE TO CONTACT ME.

BEST,
MATT

I love it. Not only did Matt just send everybody a big "F YOU!" but he made me realize that, even though I had been courteously moved to level two so that my time off wouldn't change, it was still going to be six years before I could look forward to having any more.

Do these guys know how to manage people or what? Man, I was going to take that job offer elsewhere, but then I'd be missing out on this Orwellian theme park and all it has to offer. "You're taking my vacation away? AND you want me to stay late to help make deadlines that are really just dates you pulled out of the air for no reason? Sure! Can I do it without food too? And will you leat me sleep here in a 4x8 room with a straw mat and a basin for a toilet? You've got yourself a worker!!"

Holy crap eating Tinkerbell! Are you for real? I mean, I know I'm not due to win "Most Modest Guy of the Year" any time soon, but I'm the first to admit that I don't know everything. However, I guarantee, given a similar company and similar circumstances to control, I could have a shop turning out twice the revenue in six months. Half of making that happen would only require the difference in morale between working for me and working for these ass-clowns. Unbelievable. If these jokers have any shred of conscience, they must whack their heads off their bathroom sinks ten times every morning just to numb that shred into silence so they can be just as stupid and thoughtless as possible without worry of any pang of guilt.