This is all about when a job goes wrong, when corporate America is left to run things with no responsibility whatsoever. Please feel free to comment and commiserate. I'm sure I'll be in need of a co-author to the book this just _has_ to become.

10 July 2007

Jesus Saves. Because He Knows What The Fucking File Menu Is For.

[Reposted from Northcoast Exile, October, 2006]

Another week, another clueless moron at BigHugeCo who should not be let near a computer. Let's call her Jane, shall we?

For two weeks straight, Jane has complained that she worked and slaved over a masterpiece in Microsoft Word for three whole hours only to lose her masterpiece when Word froze up.

Why, oh, why, she moans, must she suffer at the hands of us unsympathetic technicians?

Because, Jane, you are too stupid to live. Let me clue you in on the novelist's secret weapon.

See, Janey, I write books (and allegedly published one of them.) And they take a helluva lot longer than three hours to write. And Word has frozen up on me. Windows has crashed. Power outages have occured. Do I lose anything when this happens?

Why, no, Jane, I don't. You know why?

Because I know what the fuck the Save button is for!!!

Yes, Jane, I realize I never went to law school as you did. In fact, I never finished college. And yet I know how to click File>Save As. It's one of the first things we all learn when using a computer. It's the very first thing I do in any word processing program when I start a new project. After that, I hit the Save button after every paragraph, if not more often. Why? So I don't slave for three hours and lose shit to a computer glitch. Oooh! What a concept!

And yanno what? They have a similar handy function on Macs! That's right, Janey. You're supposed to do this on good ol' simple, only a brain-damaged-chimpanzee-can-break-it Macs.

So what's your excuse?

Please ship your laptop back to BigHugeCo corporate immediately. Your new Etch-A-Sketch will be configured and shipped to you as a replacement.

I swear to God some people need to audition to be Steve Irwin's replacement.

With live crocs.

The Evil J Winter

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3 Comments:

Anonymous geesquared said...

Save early, save often is my mantra and that's just from working with CAD files. LOL

Save when you get up to go to the bathroom.

Save when you go get something to drink.

Save!

7/11/2007 09:19:00 AM

 
Blogger rachael anne said...

the funny thing is...this came through my email on the feeds and i didn't realize it was from your blog...and as i read the post, i was thinking, i should send this to nerraux.

this guy should try working in a church office.

my boss types on a typewriter.

7/11/2007 10:17:00 AM

 
Blogger Jim Winter said...

"this came through my email on the feeds and i didn't realize it was from your blog"

Actually, I reposted this after Nerraux determined I had a sufficient amount of job-related rage and added me to this blog.

I decided to start with the classics.

Give me a couple of days, and I'll tell you all about the poiny-haired veep I used to work for, until he got all managerial in front of his new boss, who soon became his ex-boss. Ex-boss is still here. Veep is not.

7/11/2007 02:09:00 PM

 

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