Despair

If you haven't seen Despair.com, then you haven't visited the links I put in the right menu bar, and you should be ashamed. Not really, but it is worth checking out. If you can spare a couple minutes and need a good laugh, be sure to check out their podcasts (which are also available in Windows Media format if your Apple-phobic). It's so much like my former employer that it's almost not funny, except, from the outside all that stuff's a lot funnier.

You may have noticed that "Negative Format" has joined us as a contributor. He's from Tyler also, and may have some stories to add when he finds the time. I know I haven't updated too much lately, but I'll have somthing to add after you take a look at Despair.com.

Until then...

Atrophy

More news from Tyler Gifts...

I don't think it was because of the fact that I reported his story here, but I do think the facts of the story probably had something to do with it. Lou was fired earlier this week. I haven't been given the full story, but judging by the fact that that the away message of his Instant Messenger account has said simply "Snowboarding!" ever since, I don't think he's taking it too hard. My personal feeling is that his talents were being wasted there and that it was really just something to do while he finished school, so it may be the best thing that could have happened.

The interesting facts that go along with this are that not only was Lou let go, but so was Rochelle (as I reported earlier), and a lady in customer service, and none of these positions are to be filled with new people. Instead, they are reshuffling people who are already too busy with all the work they do for the idiots, and piling these reponsibilities on them as well just so they can save a little money as the joint begins to implode.

It could be the beginning of the end, my friends. Perhaps I should readjust the Deathclock to compensate.

In honor of the Oscars, I give an award

In case there was any doubt about how closely my former job resembled Office Space, I'm offering this Swingline Award to Tyler Gifts for outstanding achievement in screwing people over.

This is going to require a short trip into the past. First, let me say that the catalog department at Tyler consists of five people: Rochelle Fitsimmons, the buyer; Rachel Rutger, her assistant; Karen Samuels, the graphic designer; Marcus Paul, the photographer; and Rod Tyler, the putz. From what I understand, about two weeks ago a fifth member was pulled from customer service and added to this group to supposedly be trained by Rachel to help her. People on the inside, who are not ignorant to the ways of the morons at the top, saw this move as a possible threat to one of the people already in the group - most likely Rochelle for not much reason other than she makes the most money.

They pretended things were okay for a while, but apparently the tension got to be too much for Rochelle and she went to Rod to see what the deal was.

Based on what I've been told, and what I know of the players, this is a loose paraphrasing of the conversation.

"Rod, are you planning on firing someone in our department and replacing her with this girl from customer service?"

"Uuuuhhhh. Ummmmm."

"Are you going to fire Rachel?"

"Ur, aaaahhh..."

"Are you going to fire me?"

"Well, since you've figured it out, you might as well pack up your things and go this morning."

I've obviously picked up enough of the story to offer this recreation of events, but when I originally just heard that Rochelle had been let go on Friday, the image of "the Bobs" from Office Space (you can hear the quote by clicking on the title of this post). So the above Swinline goes to you, Tyler Gifts, for consistently meeting the low expectations everyone has of you.

One other note. Once before, I aluded to how much Rod hates confrontation. Knowing this, he probably left for the day before Rochelle did, and probably thanked God that it was winter so he could walk out with his coat in his hand to camouflage the urine stain on his pants from his no-doubt chiuaua-esque reaction to having to admit his shadyness. That's just a guess, but the image makes me smile.

The English devil walks amongst us

Anybody know the rules of Menonite women? Maybe there's a Menonite guide online somewhere I can download? I'm mostly concerned with the rules for how men and women can mingle, or maybe how Menonite women and guys "from the outside" can mingle. I may have mentioned before that at my job we have a number of Menonite women working in the warehouse. It's not like I'm out there a lot, but I pass one several times a week on my way to get coffee or have lunch or whatever.

It seems like every time we pass, they give me a quick scowl, eye contact breaks, we pass, and nary a word is spoken. The first time it happened, I was about to politely say "hi," but "the look" kinda caught me off guard for that time and scared me away from trying again. Plus it made me all self-conscious so that every time I pass one now I start taking inventory to figure out if I'm doing anything that might piss them off. "Is she going to be mad that I'm wearing colors?" "Are they even allowed to talk to men?" "What if men talk to them?" "Can I say 'hi' without getting her into trouble? Even if she can't talk back, I can still be polite then...unless it means the man-menonites will make her confess to the sin and stone her or something." "Do I just smell funny?" By the time I finish talking in my head, we've passed and it's pointless anyway.

I'm not trying to make a love connection or anything, I just want to be friendly and socially appropriate. Oh well. Unless I can find the "Menonite Guide to Social Interaction" in the library or online, I guess I'll just have to stick with averting my eyes any time I see a skirt and bonnet.